“The Guy”
Music and Lyrics by Dan Foster

Guy: Yo what up I’m a stick figure name is The Guy.
I live in Stickville and my life is so fly.

People: why’s your life so fly?
Guy: I’m just happy, it’s a blessing
And I sit all day eating chips with ranch dressing.
I lounge so languidly I suppose.
That you could even say I was a lazybones.

People: You’re a lazy bones.
Guy: I know. I’m hecka lazy!
People: Is that the whole story?
Guy: No wait. It gets crazy!
Picture this: it was peaceful, a Tuesday afternoon.
I was sitting at home eating chips like I do.
When I heard someone rapping on my chamberdoor.
I was like, aw man, that’s never happened before.
I popped off the couch and pounced, to make it open.
Some mug on the rug and the dude’s mad mopin
He goes:
Mr. Surler: I’m Mr. Surler, and I’m here to say
That I am having a truly terrible day.
I woke up this morning to put chips in my mouth
And was frightened to find, not a chip in the house
I was out and about on a route to find some lunch.
When I heard from your home an unmistakable crunch.
Would you, could you, give me just one chip?
And just an itty bitty little bit of ranch to dip?
See, I’m a lazy bones.
Guy: Whoa, wait, you’re hecka lazy?
Mr. Surler: That’s precisely what I am.
Guy: Me too. That’s super crazy.
So there I was, on my porch with some sap.
Named silly Mr. Surler and he wanted a snack.
What was I to do?
People: You tell us.
Guy: That was rhetorical.
I gave him a chip, and now that moment is historical.
Cuz he said
Mr. Surler: Thank you.
Guy: And went on his way.
But then he came back THE VERY NEXT DAY.

Mr Surler: Could I have another chip?
Guy: And I was like sure.
But then he came on Thursday and he wanted some more!
He came day after day; it was a chip and dip crisis.

People: Did you like it?
Guy: No. I did not like this.
I even offered to share, out of my good graces.
He said:
Mr: Surler: How could we share? We live in two different places
Guy: Now that was the last infraction.
I decided at that moment to take some action.

People: But you’re lazy bones.
Guy: I know. I’m hecka lazy!
People: What happened then?
Guy: I just went crazy.
I felt it. I went insane in the brain.
I called the crane driver, told him bring your crane.

People: And the crane driver just followed your suggestions?
Crane Driver: When someone wants a crane, I don’t ask questions.

Guy: Hitched Mr. Surler’s house to the crane.
Drove the whole thang, on a chain in the rain.
Got it to my place and then let it drop.
People: Next to your house?
Guy: No, right on top.
Mr. Surler was hangin’ in the house the whole tour.
Mr. Surler: I thought my house was moving but I wasn’t sure.
Why’d you smash them together? Guy, what’s the basis?
Guy: Now we don’t live in two different places.
Which means that sharing is now what we do.
One week I buy chips, next week IT’S YOU.

People: Now you’re both lazy bones.
Mr. Surler and Guy: That’s right, we’re hecka lazy.
Guy: What’d you think of my story?
People: Guy, that was crazy.
THE END