“Pizza Revenge”
Music and Lyrics by Eli Bolin

PIZZA BOSS
Pizzas, we have a problem. People are eating hot dogs instead of pizza and those lousy hot dogs are rubbing our noses in it. We need to get our revenge, with our best agents on the case. Pep?

PEP
Yes?

PIZZA BOSS
Meg?

MEG
Yes!

PIZZA BOSS
What are you waiting for? GOOOOO! ….Meeting adjourned.

PEP
I AM A SLICE OF PEPPERONI PIZZA.

MEG
PEP IS A SLICE OF PEPPERONI PIZZA
I AM A SLICE OF CHEESY CHEESY PIZZA

PEP
MEG IS A SLICE OF CHEESY CHEESY PIZZA
AND WE GOT A BIG OL’ PROBLEM SPREADING THROUGH THE LAND

MEG
HOT DOGS ARE TOO POPULAR, WHICH WE CAN’T STAND

PEP & MEG
THE PIZZA MARKET’S PLUMMETING FROM LOW DEMAND
LUCKILY, WE’VE GOT SOMETHING PLANNED!

CUZ PEOPLE OUGHTA EAT PIZZA
AND SAY “WE’RE HAPPY TO EATS YA”
CUZ IF THEY DID THEY’D SAY
“YUM YUM YUMMITY YUM YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY
YUM YUM YUMMITY YUM”
CUZ NOBODY SHOULD EAT HOT DOGS
THEY’RE YUCKY MYSTERY MEAT LOGS
SO NOW IT’S TIME TO HAVE OUR PIZZA REVENGE!

PEP
Okay, I’m going to get the computer ready. Our boss is counting on us to do this right.

MEG
SEE YOU IN AN HOUR

PEP
BET I’LL BE DONE IN JUST A COUPLE MINUTES

BOTH
TWENTY MINUTES LATER

PEP
UGH, IT’S NOT WORKING
IT MUST BE A WIRE

BOTH
THIRTY MINUTES LATER

PEP
YES! I GOT IT FIXED!
I BET IT’S GONNA END UP GREAT!

MEG
Terrific!. Now we can do the final and hardest part of this plan.

NOW IT’S TIME TO MAKE A LITTLE VIDEO

PEP
YES, WE’RE GONNA MAKE AN AWESOME VIDEO

MEG
TELL THE WORLD THE THINGS THAT YOU AND I KNOW

PEP
PIZZA WONDERS AND HOT DOG HORRORS, YO!

MEG
All right, partner… let’s start making this video!
PIZZA BOSS
All right, let’s take a look at this video of yours. Let’s pop it in here...And press play!

PEP AND MEG (VOICES ON VIDEO)
HOT DOGS ARE YUCKY AND PIZZA IS YUMMY
EATING A HOT DOGS WILL UPSET YOUR TUMMY

HOT DOGS ARE ROTTEN AND PIZZA IS ROCKIN’
THE THINGS IN A HOT DOG ARE REALLY QUITE SHOCKIN’

DID YOU KNOW HOT DOGS ARE FILLED WITH ROCKS?
DID YOU KNOW HOT DOGS ARE FILLED WITH SOCKS?
DID YOU KNOW HOT DOGS ARE FILLED WITH TEETH?
DID YOU KNOW HOT DOGS ARE FILLED WITH KEITH?

KEITH
Hi my name's Keith...wait but that means….oh no!!!

PIZZA BOSS
And you say this thing’s already gone viral?

MEG
That’s right, boss. Listen to this crowd outside!

VOICES OUTSIDE
O! WE’LL NEVER EAT HOT DOGS AGAIN!


PEP & MEG
OUR VIDEO HAS STARTED SPREADING FAR AND WIDE
WE SHARED THE TRUTH OF HOT DOGS AND THE STUFF INSIDE
SO, FELLOW PIZZAS, HUMANS ARE NOW HORRIFIED
AND NOW ONLY WANT PIZZAS TO EAT
HOT DOGS HAVE BEEN DEFEATED!

CROWD
HOORAY!

PEP AND MEG:
SO NOW THEY’RE GONNA EAT PIZZA

ALL:
GONNA EAT PIZZA!
PEP AND MEG:
AND SAY THEY’RE HAPPY TO EATS YA

ALL:
OH WE’RE HAPPY TO EATS YA!

PEP AND MEG:
AND WHEN THEY DO THEY’LL SAY

ALL:
“YUM YUM YUMMITY YUM YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY
YUM YUM YUMMITY YUM”

PEP AND MEG:
CUZ EV’RYBODY LOVES PIZZA

ALL:
WE LOVE PIZZA!

PEP AND MEG:
AND WE’RE SO HAPPY TO

ALL:
EATS YA!
AND THAT’S THE WAY THE PIZZAS GOT THEIR REVENGE!
YEAH THAT’S THE WAY THE PIZZAS GOT THEIR --

PEP & MEG
IN OUR POINT OF VIEW!

ALL
REVENGE!