“Fred the Carrot”
Music and Lyrics by Jack Mitchell

FRED:
I AM A CARROT ON SATURN
AND IT’S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING
AND I’M HOPING TODAY IS MY SPECIAL DAY
AND MY WISH WILL COME TRUE
I WANT TO BE EATEN


BUT NO HUMAN HAS EVER BEEN TO SATURN

SO THERE’S NOBODY HERE TO EAT YOU.

FRED:
That’s right! I am a carrot living on Saturn and my name is Fred! I haven’t seen any humans in or around Saturn to eat me, BUT, I’ve come up with a crazy idea of how to get a human here! I’m gonna yell and scream louder than anyone has before and then someone out in the universe will hear it! Here I go! 1, 2, 3!

(FRED mimes a big scream but nothing comes out of his mouth)

Wait, I just remembered I’m in space and no one can here me. Ah. But, that’s okay- I’ll just try again tomorrow! To Tomorrow! (spin)

(short intro)
FRED:
I AM A CARROT ON SATURN
AND IT’S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING
AND I’M HOPING TODAY IS MY SPECIAL DAY
AND MY WISH WILL COME TRUE
I WANT TO BE EATEN

BUT NO HUMAN HAS EVER BEEN TO SATURN
NO HUMAN HAS EVER BEEN TO SATURN
BUT IF ONE DAY, A HUMAN CAME TO SATURN
OH BOY!
ALL:
IF A HUMAN COMES AHHHH

HE WILL BE HUNGRY AHHHH

HE’LL BE STARVED!

WELL I’M THE PERFECT PROVISION AHHHH
CAUSE CARROTS HELP YOUR VISION
AND WE’RE TASTY OHH TASTY OHH
IF A HUMAN COMES
IF A HUMAN COMES
OH IF A HU-MAN COMES
IF A HUMAN COMES
I’D BE THE BIG WINNER
AHHHHH
WHEN IT’S TIME FOR DINNER

HE’D EAT ME EAT ME

THE HUMAN WOULD EAT ME EAT ME

BUT NO HUMAN HAS EVER BEEN TO SATURN

ALL
SO THERE’S NOBODY HERE TO EAT YOU!

(We see and hear the entrance of an ASTRONAUT)

ASTRONAUT
I AM AN ASTRONAUT
WHO’S MADE IT TO SATURN
AND IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING!

I am a human astronaut and I’ve landed here on Saturn! Boy oh boy could I go for some am B12 Vitamins right now.

FRED:
Ah..excuse me! Um, hi, I’m Fred the Carrot and actually I’m a good source of B12 Vitamins.

ASTRONAUT:
Well, Fred the Carrot, could I eat you?

FRED:
YES!!! I mean..(to himself) Fred, come on, play it cool.

(to Astronaut)
Yes.

FRED:
I AM A CARROT

ASTRONAUT:
I AM AN ASTRONAUT!

ALL:
AND IT’S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING!

ALL:
AND WE KNOW THAT TODAY
IS A SPECIAL DAY
AND HIS WISH WILL COME TRUE!

FRED:
I’M GONNA BE EATEN!

ASTRONAUT:
I’M GONNA EAT HIM!

ALL:
CAUSE NOW THERE’S SOMEBODY HERE
THERE’S SOMEBODY HERE
THERE’S SOMEBODY HERE

ALL:
TO EAT YOU

FRED:
Dreams come true!